—The Calendar Hung Itself
Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning
when you start to raise your head?
And does he sing to you incessantly
from the space between your bed and wall?
Does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes
looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you?
Oh, does he know that place below your neck
that is your favorite to be touched?
And does he cry through broken sentences, like
“I love you far too much!”
Does he lay awake listening to your breath?
Worry that you smoke too many cigarettes?
Is he coughing now on a bathroom floor?
For every speck of tile, there’s a thousand more
you won’t ever see, but must hold inside yourself eternally.
Well, I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death.
In every city, memories would whisper, “Here is where you rest.”
I was determined in Chicago, but I dug my teeth into my knees, and
I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine,
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.”
I kissed a girl with a broken jaw that her father gave to her.
She had eyes bright enough to burn me; they reminded me of yours.
In a story told, she was a little girl, in a red-rouge sun-bruised field, and
there were rows of ripe tomatoes where a secret was concealed, and
it rose like thunder clapped under our hands, and
it stretched for centuries to a diary entry’s end where I wrote,
“You make me happy! Oh, when skies are gray.”
Well, the clock’s heart, it hangs inside its open chest
with hands stretched toward the calendar hanging itself,
but I will not weep for those dying days.
For all the ones who’ve left, there’s a few that stayed, and
they found me here, and pulled me from the grass
where I was laid.
And you speak of a fever that burns you inside
as you explain to your mother how you wanted to die
So she kisses your fingers, says
‘my darling, but why? There is so much more.’
Today was my birthday so I bought myself a tattoo. It was only appropriate to get a Bright Eyes quote. It’s two song titles and I decided to split them in alphabetical order. The lyrics really mean so much to me. They both deal with happiness and the lack of happiness and how if you can find the mindset to resolve to be happy, you will be able to (excluding legitimate disorders, of course).
“You say there are spaces
Open and wide
Believe me, there’s days longer than nights
And you will be happy
The minute you try
But you don’t try
No, you don’t try
And you speak of a fever
That burns you inside
As you explain to your mother
How you wanted to die
So she kisses your fingers
Says ‘my darling, but why?
There is so much more.’”
-The Joy in Acceptance, The Joy in Forgetting
“Why do you lay in the grass
Why do you lay there
Don’t you want to be found?
…Isn’t the sun even going to try
To find a hole In the clouds?”
-The Joy in Discovery